growing up

Darling literally chuckled out loud when sleeping in my arms just now. It was the not-so-first-but-still-first audible laughter.

It made wifey and myself so happy : D

As I told Wifey earlier in the night, I feel like I made no personal sacrifices having this darling baby.

It was as though I have had her in my life since forever.

I kept my mum-in-law from wrestling my darling from me not once, not twice, but thrice, while I was trying to put her to sleep in my arms.

She has done that for close to two months now, ever since my girl is born. This, I feel, is a prelude to a certain type of dependency on a single caretaker whose style is potentially one of over-pampering. The millenial problem isn't a millenial generation thing. The parents and grandparents are complicit.

Will hold my ground from now on, which in our Asian culture might be perceived as disrespectful. But it must be done vis. the respect I have for my MIL for her tireless dedication to looking after our lovely baby.

Wifey and I brought our darling to a friend's house. As soon as she was laid down on the rocker with an overhanging thingie with suspended swinging toys, her eyes were trained on them and she swung her arms at them.

We hadn't noticed this skill development because it never occurred to us to attach our own overhanging thingie onto our girl's rocker.

We will only learn more when we learn from others. It follows that we probably should send our girl to childcare the soonest she is of age.

This morning, our darling laughed so heartily when she saw the ceiling fan spinning.

It was the first such occurrence but was then repeated a few times throughout the day.

Such innocence, such joy.

A most magincal thing just happened. Darling was bawling for the past 10 mins. Deciding to check her diapers, ah mah lay her down in her bed while I clapped my hands and drew them apart in a manner of curiosity and asked, "What's wrong darling?"

In that instant, she stopped crying immediately and smiled with an open smile : D

Waving my hands at her in excitement, her smile persisted in clear acknowledgement of my movements. I believe tonight is the night she is right on the cusp of being able to interact emotionally with us.

I'll like to think that I am right all the time, and that presumes the correct methods of fathering my precious darling.

But am I glad for all the tensions at home.

I needn't talk the big talks of fatherhood for at the fundamental levels, I am using the various carry positions that I observed of my mum-in-law employing; I had only held my girl in a single manner, cradling her with her lying on her back so far.

MIL on the other hand carries darling in an upright position both with darling facing outwards and towards the body, cradling her with her both facing the sky or the ground, employing various arm positions etc.

Furthermore, as recorded earlier, Wifey had noted that my active fatherhood seems pretty much limited to functional duties like washing the milk bottles, wiping darling girl's bum, burping her etc. Any emotional connection with her is but a by-product of performing those duties.

Contrast this with mum-in-law walking her fingers up and down darling's belly and chest, making her smile and increasingly laugh her earliest smiles and laughter.

I really know too little despite how I think of myself.

Interrupted sleep at night is taking its toll on me. I am tired at work and I am equally tired to play full time with my 1-month old darling.

In fact, my fatigue makes it truly difficult to wrestle darling from mum-in-law who keeps watch over her for 16 hours a day. Makes me guilty for settling for the alternative which actually frees my time up.

Lub mummy lots lots. Despite the end of the confinement month, mummy still persists bathing with herbal water cooked by my mum-in-law, drinking ang zor teh and not straining her waist to pick our darling baby up from the basinet etc.

In principle, it should persist till the point when everyone has a certain gut feeling that enough is enough, beyond the arbitrary value of a single month.